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Fear of rejection – how to overcome the need to belong

We’re all hardwired with a need to belong, to be accepted by our peers. This fear of rejection makes us fear being alone and isolated, afraid of not being accepted. Ultimately, it plays on the very deepest of our fears – that we’re unworthy and unlovable.

Fear of rejection is one of the most powerful of fears and it can have a far-reaching impact on our life. If we feel we’ve been rejected, we grieve. We feel the failure, pain, anger and upset associated with that rejection. And this can impact on the rest of our life.

Often, a fear of rejection stems from our childhood. Our parents, in particular, may have led us to believe we weren’t loved unconditionally. This could be as a result of childhood trauma, bad parenting, or even our childhood recollection of what a particular event meant. No matter what the cause, we believed (or felt) that our parents didn’t love us unconditionally – and this is carried with us through to our adult life.

How fear of rejection manifests

That belief you were unworthy and unlovable grew into a fear of rejection – and this can manifest in different ways. In our adult life, it can impact on our relationships with others. It can lead to us avoiding dating or totally committing to one partner, as we feel insecure and nervous. There’s often an inability to adequately communicate our needs to others, so we take on too much and find it impossible to say no. This can lead us into an incredibly lonely and frustrating place.

At work, it manifests as procrastination, forgetfulness, self-sabotage and an inability to reach our full potential. We hold ourselves back from achieving our goals, as we fear people will reject who we may become as a result. We worry that in bettering our situation, other people will have an opinion on how we’re progressing and/or achieving. 

Sales calls, being visible on social media platforms, promoting our products and services, even deciding on our pricing, are all things that can be affected.

It all leads us to often act in an inauthentic way. We look to play a part, so we can hide the real us, deep inside. And we hang onto whatever circumstance or situation that makes us feel safe. We never reach beyond those boundaries as we don’t want to put ourselves out there.

How to overcome that fear of rejection

Through combining my rapid transformational therapy (RTT) work with other psychological theories, my own unique concepts and my background in social work, I’ve discovered a powerful way to repair damage caused by this fear of rejection. 

And, although RTT can quickly help my clients, I also appreciate that there are people reading this who aren’t clients and would like to explore solutions for themselves! So here’s a quick breakdown of how you can start overcoming that fear of rejection.

Process those feelings – heal the original trauma or pain

Talk it over with a sympathetic and gentle therapist. Fear of rejection often stems from childhood, so it’s important that you heal that core trauma. So much of our childhoods were spent believing we needed to be or act a certain way to be loved. It’s time to get that all out and heard by someone who can help. Only then, can you work on changing the belief and moving your life forward.

Develop a success mindset

A positive and success mindset is just one important stage of my work. By instilling a belief that you are worthy of love, money and success, you’re rewiring your brain to look for evidence to support this new belief.

Practice self-love 

The belief ‘I am enough’ is absolutely essential to rapidly accelerate success your results. It’s the number one most common thing I work on with all my clients. Most of our fears and beliefs stem from a belief that we are not enough in some way. It’s time to change that for the better.

Believe in unconditional love

The mantra ‘I am loved’ is powerful. To feel and believe that you are loved, unconditionally is key to your success. It’s not enough to believe you are enough, you have to believe that you are unconditionally loved too. You came from the Universe, through your parents – if you can’t believe your parents loved you unconditionally, believe that your source of origin – the Universe – loves and supports you unconditionally, no matter what.

Focus on what you want

So much of our adult life is based on what others wanted us to do. Out of our fear of rejection and a deep need to feel loved, we often live a life that doesn’t match our needs and desires. Living empty lives in jobs our parents wanted us to do or that we thought would make others proud and happy, never living for ourselves.

Start to focus on what you want. Turn those fears and worries you have into positives. You fear that you’ll be rejected – turn it into a positive desire to make friends. You can then add an action step to this and turn it into an intention and goal.

We are all hardwired with a need to belong. But by using the tips above, you’ll address any hidden fears of rejection you may have, that prevent you from moving forward from those fears. You’ll learn to understand that it’s ok to not have everyone on your side and in your corner. As long as you have the belief that you are loved and enough – you’ll have everything you need, to overcome anything you come up against as a result.

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